Pondering, Pinky, Pondering
Well, I’m rethinking my life. I’ve reached a point where I’m not sure if I want to go into law. Yes, I enjoy it but do I like it enough to base my life around it? Do I like anything that much? Should I just move to Ireland and become a pub girl? Some days I truly think about doing nothing but running screaming from this academic world that seems to only get worse. As much as I like learning and knowledge, I am getting seriously tired of this repetitive cycle. Go to class, read, procrastinate, come up with bs, have professors praise it because everyone else is too dumb to do anything. It’s gotten old. I’m not challenged anymore. I really haven’t been in years.
Don’t get me wrong. I know that I’m not the smartest person out there. I know that in areas, particularly math, that I come up lacking. But I’m shockingly okay with that. Why? Because in most other areas, I run circles around the people around me. What’s sad is that I’ve really stopped trying most of the time. I do the minimum to get by and I succeed with flying colors. That’s not exactly a formula for encouraging creative or academic growth. I’ve been in this holding pattern for too long and I want to break out.
The question is not whether or not to break out, it is a question of how. Can I do so by going to law school? Can I do so by going to graduate school and pursuing a PhD in Political Science? Or can I do so by going out and doing stupid crap like getting blown up? I’d really like to. I know that I desperately want a break from what I’ve been doing. I got a taste of that last weekend in Chicago. I got to break out of the norm and have fun. Here in super conservative Louisiana, I have to watch what I say, lest I get lambasted and crucified in the town square. It’s not that I don’t speak my opinion…I do and have defended my opinions viciously in public. However, if I say the wrong thing around some of these people, they act like I’ve just called down the Anti-Christ himself. I don’t understand the narrow-minded mindset. I haven’t since I was in fifth grade. It makes no sense to me to confine everything to little boxes and not allow any change or openness.
Maybe it’s the rum talking. Maybe I just don’t give a damn. Maybe I just need to get the hell out of this state. All I know is that I’m pondering, Pinky. Pondering ways to get out of this mess.
I completely understand what you’re going through, Connie – right down to the part about wanting to move to Ireland to become a “pub girl”. I used to have grand ideas about living on the cheap in Dublin, singing on street corners to get by.
I know whatever decision you make will be the right one. Just be sure that you’re doing what makes YOU happy, and it will all fall into place!