Best Friday Ever! My Experiences with Bob Picardo at Chicon 2010
Chicago Creation Convention 2010- Bob Picardo
Let me preface this by saying that I have been completely enamored with Robert Picardo since I was around six or so. I started watching Voyager around that time and I was always happy to see the Doctor. He was a favorite of mine, with both his humor and wit. On August 27th, 2010, I was lucky enough to have what could be described as the ultimate fan experience with him. Something I’m ashamed of is that I actually missed the first few minutes of Bob’s panel. I was taking a photo with Steve Bacic and the line ran long. No one’s fault. These things happen. After I had my picture taken with Bacic, I ran (literally) back to the main room as fast as possible. I arrived just as he mentioned something about how a question would be better suited for his cousin “Alphonso” who would be around later that night. Alas, I did not hear the question but this one off-hand remark about “Alphonso” would be the start of something that I will never be able to forget.
The rest of the panel was amazing, with Bob offering insight into his work on SGA, the character of Richard Woolsey, and even his work on Star Trek: Voyager. He even went “old school” as he talked about his time as a leading man, with hair, on China Beach. China Beach is a great show that is not really available anymore, do to licensing issues with music. However, I managed to stumble upon it one day while online. Unfortunately, it is no longer available where I found it. However, it is such an amazing show that if you ever get half a chance to watch it, I recommend doing whatever is possible to do so.
After the panel, I rushed off to be as close to the front of the photo-op line as was possible. Eventually my time came. As I walked up to Bob, and I call him by his first name for a reason that I will elaborate on later, he looked at me, smiled and said, “Hey you!” I know he was saying it to everyone but it made me feel special. Little did I know how special I was going to be. I returned to the main ball room to await the autograph lines. My dear friend Pip (On Twitter, @dannysgirlsg1) had been kind enough to make me a personal graphic for Bob to sign. He smiled at me and I got completely star struck, unable to say anything! Here was a man that I have adored for over a decade. I did manage to say that one of my friends had made it for me and he smiled and said that it was very good. I am not afraid to say that I got a little giddy. However, soon, I would be getting a lot giddy.
After autographs, there was a little bit of a break before the Cabaret show. The show was one of the things that I was most excited for and it exceeded all my expectations. In case you have never seen the “Ask Alphonso” videos that Bob did for Acme Brand Comedy, the character of Alphonso, Bob’s cousin from Italy with a full head of hair, is the most sexually attractive man in the world, roaming from town to town cavorting, carousing, and womanizing. With some luck and some loud friends screaming on my behalf, (Thanks Pip and Tara!), I was chosen to be one of Alphonso’s…. well, certainly not a victim…Perhaps “recipient” of his affections. From the moment, Alphonso stepped onto the stage he was working the room, almost exclusively the ladies. After all, he is the most sexually attractive man in the world and the most satisfying, if you believe the hype. Yes, I had my… “personal appointment” with him but Alphonso is…too much for words. ;D But I digress. In between singing and giving out relationship advice to people who were unlucky enough not to be born Alphonso, this Italian Lothario was busy “securing” his bed partners for the evening. It was nothing but hilarious. Eventually, he asked for three volunteers to come up so that he could sing a song that Roberto had written about his time on Star Trek: Voyager. I almost literally jumped at the chance to play Seven of Nine. As I walked up to the stairs on the side of the stage, Alphonso took my hand and asked, “Your name, miss?”
“Connie.”
“And how old are you, Connie?”
“21.”
“21. (to the audience) 21 is legal yes? It is okay?”
(Crowd) “Yes!”
“You are okay, Connie…(He made a show of looking me up and down) Very okay.”
He called up another girl to play B’Elanna Torres then walked back over to me. He took a deep breath and started singing
“What’s new pussycat? Woah Woah Woah
What’s new pussycat? Woah Woah Woah
Pussycat, pussycat, you’re called Seven and I’m in heaven when your around
Please let check on your implants and nodes (He ran his hands up and down my sides, wiggling his fingers around as he did, essentially feeling me up in front of 100+ people. I lost track of everything for a few seconds)
Pussycat, pussycat, I love you! Yes, I do! You and your implants and nodes! (He ran his hands up and down me again and I blanked again.)”
He then moved on to the woman playing Captain Janeway, much to my disappointment. After he moved onto the B’Elanna Torres of the evening, “Captain Janeway” and I linked arms and swayed to the music. Alphonso made his way back to us, me in particular singing,
“You and your implants and nodes! (He ran his hands up and down my sides again, feeling me up for the third time. He stepped back to my left took my hand then pulled me to him, giving me a kiss. Exactly where the kiss was, I know but I’ll just let this picture speak for me)”
Alphonso just can't wait! Picture taken by @BeckyLandis
After the song was over, he had all the women on stage hug him and pose for pictures. He then proceeded to make “personal appointments” with us. I had the 3:05 AM spot. As I was walking back to my seat, Linda Picardo, his wife said to me, “I think he owes you a drink!” I nearly lost it right then and there.
The Cabaret show ended shortly after that and I adjourned to the bar for a beer. Once I had my Miller Lite in hand, I made my way back to the Karaoke Party that Bob was MC’ing. Pip and I signed up to sing “The Time Warp” from Rocky Horror Picture Show. When we were called up to the stage, I was Pipless. As I walked up to tell him to give a few minutes to find her, he said, “Oh that Connie…I know you are busy with Alphonso later, but what are you doing at 2:50 AM?” My reply, “Whatever you want me to be doing!” He grinned and laughed and called the next person up. As he was walking off stage, he motioned me over and said, “I’d sing it with you but I don’t know the song.” He smiled and shrugged as he walked over to his wife. Shortly thereafter, Pip showed up and we gave a rocking performance of “The Time Warp” that had Todd himself, Christopher Heyerdahl, rocking out to the side of the stage. After we were done with all of the pelvic thrusting, I went back to my seat. Throughout the rest of the night, Bob would smile or say a few quick words in between singing (with and without his gorgeous wife Linda) and MC’ing the party. Towards the end of the night, a few people were getting pictures with Bob and I shyly asked for one. I had already had the professional photo taken but this was post him/Alphonso running his hands over more intimate parts of my anatomy. He smiled at me and said, “Like I’m going to deny you anything.”
Not my best but awesome nonetheless!
The picture is kind of dopey, I’ll admit. I’m blaming that on raw sexual energy and beer. Nevertheless, I have a picture of Bob, me, and whatever alcoholic beverage he was drinking. Karaoke was fun and Bob left at midnight or so, citing the fact he had to take his daughter to college the next day. The party continued until around 1am or so, I retired to my room to “prepare” myself for my “later meetings”. Those I won’t talk about! XD
Needless to say, Robert Picardo made my year!
Tomorrow, I’ll recount the awesome experiences I had with stunt coordinator Dan Shea! Au revoir!
PS. Yes, I know it is informal to call him Bob instead of Robert or Mr. Picardo. However, he felt me up 3 times, propositioned me both in and “out” of character, all in front of his wife. I think I’ve earned the right to call him Bob. 
I have nothing but affection and respect for him.
